Pursuit
I have spent a life in the pursuit of vanishing, not in disappearance, nothing so absolute, but a gradual thinning at the edges of being, a way of standing just outside what I am. I learned early how to lessen the weight of my presence, to speak without settling, to remain without arriving. It was not loss I was after but a kind of refinement, as if what remained might be more true for having been reduced. But nothing resolves this way. The self does not dissolve, it redistributes into habits, into silences, into the shape absence takes when it is practiced. Still, something persists, not defiant, not even aware, only continuing where I have tried not to be. I have spent a life in the pursuit of vanishing and found instead a form of staying that cannot be undone.


You’re very much still here, Paul!
As a Nobdy, I can relate to this