Paul, you've captured so well the reality of what life is like for some couples, as well as the traumas it leaves behind. I've worked for 3 years with victims of dysfunctional relationships and domestic violence. You've written about one of the oldest conflicts in human history: the conflict between desire and reality. As if “I wanted this to go well, but reality tells me it's not going to happen”.
Often people in these situations feel divided, as if they are worthless, and therefore prefer to stay where they are. The amazing thing is that you've managed to turn this chaos into a beautiful poem.
I walk every day, Rolando, and I often pass a house that always has heavily curtained windows, and one time last year I was passing and wondering why the windows were always curtained so heavily, and the opening lines just popped into my head. I made a voice note of them on my phone and worked on it for some time, shaping the verses about this generic couple and their marital problems. I posted this last year, but I thought I would repost with a reading for those who hadn't read it before.
That’s the way it always seems to go. When our daughter married, I closed my father-of-the-bride speech by telling the newlyweds there are three sentences they would find to be helpful as they made their way through the ups and downs of marriage:
There are homes like this on just about every street. Always have been. Curtains hiding pain that is almost indescribable. But you made a fine job of doing so, Paul. Thank you for shedding some light on the suffering so many have endured. And continue to. God help them.
This is a starkly realistic poem about the violent, drink-cursed lives that some couples lead, and is perhaps a warning to all of us to consciously work at keeping our lives and relationships steadily on track while they are still good.
It is sad, but sadder still is when the situation seems to nullify either one or the other’s ability to choose something else, to leave, to quit the game.
Too close for comfort living with abusive alcoholic. No peace of mind an no memory of what happened or where he left a phone and now for third time gets a new one. Never will learn how hurt is spread to others.
As you say, Monica: a cautionary tale. Sometimes codependency is so strong that choices which seem to be obvious to an outsider are just never considered.
I knew a couple who fought with shades down to the outside world, maybe not to that level of brutality. A hard memory because I liked them both and both long gone.
My thanks to @rena for sharing this 🌻
So much pain and suffering in this life.
And much of the pain and suffering brought on by our own actions, Mary. Thank you!
Paul, you've captured so well the reality of what life is like for some couples, as well as the traumas it leaves behind. I've worked for 3 years with victims of dysfunctional relationships and domestic violence. You've written about one of the oldest conflicts in human history: the conflict between desire and reality. As if “I wanted this to go well, but reality tells me it's not going to happen”.
Often people in these situations feel divided, as if they are worthless, and therefore prefer to stay where they are. The amazing thing is that you've managed to turn this chaos into a beautiful poem.
I walk every day, Rolando, and I often pass a house that always has heavily curtained windows, and one time last year I was passing and wondering why the windows were always curtained so heavily, and the opening lines just popped into my head. I made a voice note of them on my phone and worked on it for some time, shaping the verses about this generic couple and their marital problems. I posted this last year, but I thought I would repost with a reading for those who hadn't read it before.
Thank you for your comment.
Ouch. This cuts deep. Even when physical violence is not present, emotional wounds are just as real.
One can’t forgive.
One will not break.
Insightful, Aaron. Thank you.
One can’t forgive.
One will not break.
These lines.
That’s the way it always seems to go. When our daughter married, I closed my father-of-the-bride speech by telling the newlyweds there are three sentences they would find to be helpful as they made their way through the ups and downs of marriage:
1. I was wrong.
2. You were right.
3. I love you.
The best advice I think you can give.
But not when you drink and abuse and not think.
You’re right, Richard. If a relationship is at that stage those aren’t likely to be helpful.
Especially if one will not seek help and continue the self destruction.
I think that scenario is often present in any troubled relationship.
So accurate it gave me chills. Generational trauma handed down inadvertently without explanation or justification.
We know this kind of thing exists, Penny. Maybe the poem is a cautionary tale?
There are homes like this on just about every street. Always have been. Curtains hiding pain that is almost indescribable. But you made a fine job of doing so, Paul. Thank you for shedding some light on the suffering so many have endured. And continue to. God help them.
Thank you, Kevin, for your thoughtful comment and your continuing support!
This is a starkly realistic poem about the violent, drink-cursed lives that some couples lead, and is perhaps a warning to all of us to consciously work at keeping our lives and relationships steadily on track while they are still good.
It's something different, a bit more grit maybe. Thanks for reading and commenting, Martin.
😢
It is sad, but sadder still is when the situation seems to nullify either one or the other’s ability to choose something else, to leave, to quit the game.
Too close for comfort living with abusive alcoholic. No peace of mind an no memory of what happened or where he left a phone and now for third time gets a new one. Never will learn how hurt is spread to others.
I understand, Richard 🙏
strength 🙏
Powerfully true.
A cautionary sad tale. The pain and sadness It seems it would be better if one just left. You, Paul, are such a talent.
As you say, Monica: a cautionary tale. Sometimes codependency is so strong that choices which seem to be obvious to an outsider are just never considered.
Sadly relatable... So long ago.
🙏😊
💔
Thank you, rena!
Unfortunately too many people have the same
Me story.
I'm sure that's true, Stan
The verses echo something once seen but not lived. The telling of this story is robust and heartbreaking.
It’s fictional but for many the violence is real. Thank you fir reading and commenting, Kimberly,
I knew a couple who fought with shades down to the outside world, maybe not to that level of brutality. A hard memory because I liked them both and both long gone.
Incredible rhythm!